


frost bite.

by lushwang (theangryblob)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Bugs, Cannibalism, HEAVY mentions of decay and decomposition, M/M, Manipulation, Morally Ambiguous Character, Murder, one character is forced to recall trauma, there is nothing good about this at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-06-24 07:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15626091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangryblob/pseuds/lushwang
Summary: “thank you, you know, for letting me ride with you,” junhui smiles, giddy, “i mean, most people would be a little scared to take a hitchhiker, especially at night. i mean, how do you know i’m not a serial killer?”jisoo laughs, a genuine one that's as melodious as it is awful. “the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this tweet: https://twitter.com/gonzotrucker/status/1004732672017510400?lang=en
> 
> am trying out a new writing style for this one. updates will come sporadically.

the gravel crunches under his feet, the sound jarring in the silence of the surrounding woods. this far out of the city he’s got no cell reception, no hopes of finding a charging port in the middle of the road for his dying phone. with the trees creeping up around him, growing denser as he peers into the forest, he feels like he’s being walled in, forced to follow the road out of the mountains. the straps of his backpack are beginning to cut into his shoulders and so he sighs, stops so he can sit on the ground and try to rub away the soreness seeping into his bones. 

this far down the mountain road the air has turned sharp, a frigid kind of wet that’s different from the sticky humidity he’s used to this late in july. at the very least he’s no longer being bothered by mosquitos - there are bumps all up his arms and legs, red and swollen.

he hears the sound of an engine long before he sees the car, and by the time it rolls to a stop in front of him, junhui is standing up, bag slung over one arm, a winning grin on his face. it’s the kind of smile he’s learned gets him anything - the neighborhood aunties had cooed over it his whole life, had showered him in attention for it. it’s not a smile he likes to use often.

when the window rolls down, junhui peers inside and his smile falters. 

the man inside is handsome in a plain sort of way, like if junhui passed him on the street he wouldn’t give him a second glance. but he’s got this look in his eyes, heavy and dark, and junhui feels like he should look away now before he no longer can. 

the stranger smiles, soft mouth curling into a friendly smile. he’s dressed so neat, so prim and proper - he looks delicate, dainty, like junhui could snap him between his fingers if he tried. “where are you heading?”

junhui grins brighter, fixing his bag strap on his shoulder and hoping his accent isn’t indecipherable. “there’s a town about, uh,” he pauses, and the man smiles wider, a touch amused, “forty kilometers north?”

“hop in, i’m headed that way too.”

the air conditioning is on, blowing freezing air right into junhui’s face, but it’s a little rude to ask to turn it down right away - junhui turns the slants away from him, but it’s little reprieve.

“moon junhwi,” he sticks his hand out before he’s even settled in, one hand still fumbling with his seatbelt, “it’s nice to meet you.”

the man looks taken aback for a moment, eyes flickering to junhui’s hand, but he recovers quickly, the smile returning easily. his grip is firm, delicate fingers digging into the bones of junhui’s hand, like he’s trying too hard to leave an impression. junhui takes note of him anyway, from the way his eyes shift too quickly, to the impeccable cleanliness of his car and the air freshener hanging from the mirror. his hands are freezing - why doesn’t he turn on the heater instead?

“hong jisoo. you’re not from around here, are you?”

it’s a loaded question usually, but junhui isn’t put off by it when he’s heard it a thousand times already. he sticks out like a sore thumb wherever he goes and pretending to be a local is more effort than it’s worth. even though jisoo turns away to start driving again, junhui can feel his full attention, like the weight of his eyes are burning on his skin, even when jisoo’s not looking. there isn’t any judgement to his voice - just his even tone, gentle and warm. 

he shrugs, offering an easy smile as he shifts his bag between his feet so he’s a little more comfortable. “was it obvious?” he asks, even though he knows the answer.

jisoo doesn’t reply but he grins all the same and junhui catches jisoo glancing at him from the corner of his eyes. “i’m just visiting. i’ve never been to korea before.”  
it’s not a lie - it’s his first time here but junhui has already been in the country for three weeks, wandering along the countryside, camera in hand. it’s inaccurate to call him a tourist when he finds himself always working, eyes searching everything for the perfect picture. nearly everything he’s captured so far has bored him - nothing has quite taken his breath away, not yet.

“most people go to seoul when they visit,” jisoo says, the soothing sound of his voice floating to junhui’s ears. the car stays at a constant speed, working around narrow turns and the increasingly steep road without issue. 

“i was there, for a couple days, but i got bored,” outside, the sky disappears and reappears between the canopy of the trees, “big cities are the same everywhere, you know? i wanted to see the countryside.”  
jisoo’s expression brightens, eyes shining as he turns his head to look at junhui. “you know we’re passing through a national park now, right? this is one of the best places to experience untouched nature - if you ignore the cell towers.”

jisoo talks like a tour guide, so convincing he almost forgets that last time he’d checked, he didn’t have cell service out here. junhui grins, sitting up a little straighter. “i know. i was taking photos out here before but i figured it was getting late. once you’re through the trees you can hardly see anything - i didn’t think the trees would be so densely packed. i don’t really have the- the-” he pauses for a moment, clenches his fist around air as he gestures, struggling to remember the word. he’s learnt it before, he knows, but it escapes him now. “-the  _ things  _ i need to be taking photos at night here.” 

jisoo nods, tapping his fingers against the wheel idly. junhui wonders if he’s nervous. “are you a photographer then?”

“yeah,” he tries to stretch his legs out but finds there isn’t enough space, “i work for a travel magazine most of the year. right now i’m just… travelling for myself. these photos are just for me.” 

he touches his camera bag, gaze flickering over the moonlight shining over jisoo’s mouth and nose, his skin turned pale and ethereal, his eyes shining through the shadow. 

“and what about you?”

jisoo makes a noise, a curious little hum, as he turns his head to look at junhui. “what do you mean?”  
the weight of his eyes meeting junhui’s is a strange feeling, an intensity that pins him down, but not one that he dislikes. jisoo looks back to the road, and junhui realizes he’s been silent.

“it’s really late, and this isn’t really a popular road. i’d been walking for hours now and you’re the first car i’d seen.”

“ah- i’m on holiday right now actually. i live up in incheon, but i haven’t seen my aunt in a long time so i wanted to visit her. it would have been easier to take a bus down there but,” he shrugs, pauses, “i wanted to take the scenic route.” 

junhui opens his mouth to speak, but a clap of thunder outside stops him in his tracks.

rain comes down, pelting against the car in a sudden torrent. junhui leans forward in his seat, making a face as he looks up at the murky sky. “i didn’t think it would rain tonight.”

“the weather here is really unpredictable from what i’ve heard.”

“no but - there weren’t even clouds when i was walking before. the sky was clear.”

“it’s just rain, junhwi. it’s monsoon season anyway.” the lilt in jisoo’s voice isn’t condescending, but it doesn’t sit well with junhui. he speaks with a self assurance that doesn’t make sense, but the way he speaks about himself is uncertain, like he doesn’t know how to answer the questions about himself that junhui asks. 

junhui purses his lips, before leaning back in his seat with a huff, mumbling “whatever you say.” 

jisoo just smiles but when junhui meets his gaze in the rearview mirror, he looks away sharply, eyes flitting about before they settle on the road, where they’re supposed to be. the mountain path is narrow and curving and it doesn’t fill junhui with the dread that it should even if jisoo doesn’t give it his full attention. he strikes junhui as the type thats good at multitasking, but the attention he pays junhui is disturbing in its own way regardless.

he shifts, knees hitting the dashboard as he tries to get comfortable. 

jisoo makes a noise, before pulling the car over, much to junhui’s embarrassment. “if you weren’t comfortable you should have just said so.”

jisoo unbuckles his seatbelt before leaning over, reaching around junhui for a handle at the side of the seat. up close junhui notices a tiny scar beneath his eyebrow, can see the frizz where his hair was damaged from bleaching, and that he has a cartilage piercing on his left ear, but he doesn’t wear an earring. jisoo meets his eyes, stopping for a moment, before he looks away and junhui’s seat is jerking back and he finally has leg room. 

even in the low light, he catches a glimpse of a blush at the tips of jisoo’s ears, just before he sits back straight and the shadow falls over it. 

“the handle gets stuck sometimes, sorry.” jisoo doesn’t look at junhui when he says it, but junhui just nods, skin prickling even though jisoo didn’t touch him.

the rain hasn’t stopped, nor has the squeak of the windshield wiper, but it fades into the background, a dull sort of cold that settles over his skin between goosebumps. junhui’s not used to feeling out of his element.

a crack of lightning tears through the sky, but the sound of thunder is distant, muffled inside the car.

junhui leans back, getting comfortable. it shouldn’t be too long till they reach town.

he looks out from under his lashes, into the distorted shadows of the forest, the water dripping down his window making everything seem warped.

“where do you think the wolves go when it’s raining like this?”

“i’d say they’d go to their den, but, i don’t think we have wolves in south korea.”

_ den _ . that's a new word. junhui turns it over in his head. “really? i always thought there were wolves in korea. doesn’t this look like the type of forest with wolves?”

jisoo grins. “yeah - a little like in a story right? like this seems like a forest you’d find a witch in.”

“yeah! i’d check online now, you know, about wolves, but my phone is out of battery.”

jisoo leans forward, nose scrunching as he looks up at the sky. it’s cute, strangely, when jisoo forgets to control his expressions. “i don’t think we’d get a signal right now anyway.”

junhui pouts. it can’t be helped, he supposes. he's not sure jisoo's imaginary cell towers could conquer the storm anyway.

a moment of silence falls over them, and junhui looks at jisoo, eyes looking him over shamelessly. if his staring bothers jisoo, he doesn’t say anything. 

“thank you, you know, for letting me ride with you.”

jisoo gives him a soft smile, and junhui wishes suddenly that he had seen this earlier. a gentleness that soothes over his skin, like fingers intertwining with his. “it’s no big deal. it’s lucky that we’re going the same way i guess.”

junhui smiles, giddy. “i mean, most people would be a little scared to take a hitchhiker, especially at night. i mean, how do you know i’m not a serial killer?”

jisoo laughs, a genuine one that's as melodious as it is awful, broken up by wheezes. junhui feels the sound of it curling around his spine like a vice. “the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.”

junhui laughs too, even though he shouldn’t want to. the rain beats against the car, steady as ever. his fingers are too cold, throbbing and numb when he finally reaches to turn off the air conditioning. jisoo doesn’t say anything, but the silence that comes after their laughter dies down felt like permission anyway. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consistency in chapter length, posting time, and quality? i dont know her. from here on out the fic will be more explicitly (?) dark (?). not 100% of the plot is set in stone but triggers have been added to the tags.

junhui rises with the sun, usually, his body clock attuned to the first fingers of dawn pulling him out of bed. the moment he sees sunlight it’s hard for him to fall back asleep again, no matter when he’d gone to bed.

the weather here, however, is no good.

he wakes up at eight forty two - still early for a holiday but long after sunrise. it’s raining, drizzling more like, but the sky is grey and the windows are facing north. his head feels all sorts of foggy, eyes crusted with sleep, and junhui feels off kilter, like the floor is slanted beneath his feet. he can’t remember what time they’d arrived in town and checked into the inn, but he’s sure he’s slept… enough. 

junhui hasn’t had a morning of laziness in years, and so he rolls out of bed, shuffles around the room to get dressed. it feels like walking through lead. 

he hardly feels any better when he steps out of his room, locking it behind him. he’s got his camera bag around his neck - just that, his equipment locked in his backpack - but only out of habit. he’s too tired to be taking photos, working through the motions of heading out for the day with what little energy he has left. the patterns of the carpet in the corridor are dark and swirling, and they make him dizzy, but its too much effort to keep his head up for more than a few seconds at a time. 

seeing jisoo in the lobby is like a shot of caffeine straight to the brain. 

he’s leaning on the counter, chatting quietly with the receptionist - a different girl from the one they’d met last night, but her features are familiar enough and junhui wonders if they’re related. 

jisoo’s hair is combed away from his face, part of his forehead showing. his hair looks soft somehow, and junhui wants to touch it, see what kind of product he’s wearing. it really does look nice. with his trench coat and sleek trousers he looks far more put together than junhui feels, and junhui isn’t so eager to greet him now. 

he doesn’t have the choice though, because jisoo turns and catches junhui’s eye, smile turning into a grin. “good morning. did you sleep well?” 

“good morning,” junhui walks towards them, an uneasy smile on his face. he feels like there are eggshells stuck in his gums, like if he moves wrong jisoo will see the blood staining his teeth between words.  
“i slept alright,” he lies. the inn was cheap and had a room for each of them and junhui wasn’t going to complain. “what are you up to?”

“i was just asking soomin here if there was a cafe nearby. i haven’t eaten yet and i’d like to see the town a little before i head out.” 

junhui turns to the receptionist, who gives them both a sincere smile, the tips of her ears flushed pink. there’s a mole on her cheek that matches his own, but he doesn’t mention it. jisoo’s holding a newspaper in his hand, and it brushes junhui’s thigh, the sharp edge feeling like a shock. jisoo looks so handsome when he smiles like that, too charming for nine in the morning. 

he grins, feels like his knees have turned to gelatin. “i’ll join you then, if you don’t mind.”

they borrow an umbrella from the inn, heading out together in the rain, shoulders bumping together as they walk. the town is quaint and junhui finds it charming in the same way he coos over hamsters in teacups and when jisoo trips over the pavement mid-sentence. he laughs too loud but jisoo is grinning too, even as he hits junhui’s arm. 

they sit outside the cafe under the awning, warming their hands around their coffee cups and tearing into croissants - junhui is already thinking about ordering another, still hungry, but he doesn’t want to get up when jisoo is looking at him like that. jisoo looks too comfortable sitting across from him and like this his gaze is unavoidable, like the press of a needle against his skin, like if junhui moves it’ll puncture. even when he turns his head away, murmurs something about the rain, junhui is too focused on the movement of his lips, tinged pink with the cold. he doesn’t want to get up yet. 

jisoo has no siblings, he learns, and junhui figures that’s why he’s both comfortable with the silence and put off by the attention junhui gives him. it’s an easy explanation. junhui grew up with a little brother and no privacy in a home of nosy busybodies and that’s why jisoo sitting across from him, basking in the silence, is making him antsy. it’s an easy explanation.

“when are you heading out today?”

jisoo hums, lip jutting out in the tiniest of pouts as he looks into his empty coffee cup. junhui’s heart curls in on itself. “maybe later in the afternoon? i’m not in any rush.” 

he’s not, junhui remembers. junhui isn’t either, but there’s a bus that leaves town at noon to go to seoul and he should probably catch it. everything here feels slow, sticky, and he feels rooted in the seat across jisoo’s, tapping his feet to an uneven rhythm, deciding that he wants to buy another coffee for the both of them. 

“me neither. i want to go out and take some photos today before we leave.”

“we?” jisoo has no right to be so handsome when he smirks. the amusement in his voice shoots straight to junhui’s gut, the subtle raise of his brow making junhui shrink on himself just a tiny, tiny bit. 

he’s not a shy person by nature. “you’re going north too, aren’t you? if you don’t mind my company, then i’d like to come with you.”

he could blame his boldness on not knowing the language, that no one had taught him how to be meek (or subtle, for that matter), but he has a feeling that jisoo wouldn’t believe him anyway. the look he’s giving junhui is incredulous, but his mouth curls into a grin and junhui’s eyes are drawn to it immediately, following the sweet curve at the corner before he meets his gaze again. 

“if you put it that way, how can i refuse?” jisoo looks like he wants to say something more, but he simply closes his mouth and swallows, and junhui wonders what words he chose to hide. his fingers itch, curling around his empty cup. 

“would you like another coffee? i was going to get one for myself.” another cup means junhui is going to be riding a caffeinated high for the rest of the day, but he bites his tongue, attention falling on the pretty smile and nod that jisoo gives him, expression almost bashful. 

the rain slows to a stop and though water drips off the awning into a puddle by the pavement, the sun shines through the clouds, the first time junhui’s seen it all morning.

“you’re an odd person, moon junhwi.” 

standing behind him, junhui helps jisoo put his coat on, staring at the crown of his head and pretending jisoo’s voice isn’t doing funny things to his brain. “that’s rich, coming from you.”

jisoo looks at him from over his shoulder, hands coming up and replacing junhui’s to fix the lapels of his coat. “what does that mean?”  
junhui opens his mouth, but when he realizes he doesn’t have an answer, he closes it again promptly. jisoo is an odd person, undeniably so - how is it that he nearly froze junhui to death in his car but feels cold enough for a coat now, when there’s barely a breeze? 

jisoo’s eyes are too dark, and even the light reflecting off his pupils steals the words from junhui’s throat. instead, he leans around him to pick up the umbrella. “i won’t say anymore. you’re still giving me a ride, after all.” 

jisoo laughs and barely falters when junhui loops their arms together. the sound is addictive, and junhui wants to hear nothing else. there’s some unpalatable quality about it, and it sets every single nerve in junhui’s body on edge, has him standing a little straighter. jisoo’s laugh feels like a wind chime ringing in his ears, delicate as the rest of him, but junhui feels no breeze. 

“i suppose i am.” 

junhui can only grin. 

an odd sense of dejavu slides up junhui’s spine, and his lungs feel heavy, like the air he’s breathing turns to water inside him, like he’s swallowed the storm clouds whole. a fat drop of water falls from the awning onto jisoo’s nose, and they both laugh all over again. the town is prettier when it’s raining. 

when they stop by the marketplace, jisoo buys a jar of honey and lets junhui stick the tip of his pinky in for a taste. it’s too sweet - it’s runny and coats the insides of his mouth. junhui preens when the shopkeeper tells them how handsome they both are. jisoo blushes, but his smile is as pretty as the  _ thank you _ he murmurs and the shopkeeper gives him a discount on a second bottle. 

jisoo takes it, to junhui’s surprise. 

“are you really going to eat all of this?” he asks, bumping shoulders with jisoo as they make their way back to the inn finally. the town is small and there’s not much to see, but it’s nice, if a little empty. it must be an off season.

jisoo shrugs. “it’s for my mother. she likes this type of souvenir best.”

“you’re such a good son,” junhui coos, rubbing shoulders with him, “no wonder the aunties liked you so much. they wanted to keep you for themselves.”

jisoo’s ears are pink, but he reaches up and pinches junhui’s nose without hesitation.

soomin is nowhere to be found in the lobby, so junhui gingerly places the umbrella behind the check-in desk. 

there’s a man waiting by the desk, tapping away at his phone. he’s tall - taller than junhui even, with white at his temples and a stern, but handsome face. his hands are neat and smooth, nails manicured perfectly, and they’re pretty, in a catalogue sort of way. bland. boring. 

but junhui isn’t one to judge, so he merely bows his head in greeting and turns away. jisoo does not. there’s something shining in his eyes, gaze flickering between junhui and the man, speaking low and tight, and junhui hears, for the first time, the edges of something desperate in jisoo’s voice. it’s unsettling. 

“i’ll catch up with you later, junhwi.”

he’s not in any position to object, but the gentle touch of jisoo’s hand over his means junhui has no choice but to smile and nod. his heart is racing in his chest even as he leaves the inn. how can he refuse?

junhui follows a stone path around the side of the inn, to where the building meets the sloping mountain side. he gingerly places his foot on each stone, counts them all under his breath. the trees here are not as dense as those in the park, but the land here seems untouched, mostly. junhui can hear birds chirping above his head, but when he turns to look, he cannot see them. 

it’s eighty three steps before he loses sight of the inn, but the path ends here too, the trees growing too dense for the stone blocks. 

when he steps foot on the grass, junhui can feel the silence of the forest settling on his shoulders - all-encompassing, but not oppressive. he’s aware of all the sounds around him - the soft press of soil beneath his boots, the wind between branches, the song of the birds above his head - but everything seems distant, muffled, like there’s dirt in his ears. like he’s being buried alive. 

it’s a beautiful place.

the air seems a little hazy, like he can feel the dew hovering in front of him, and the pictures that junhui takes all feel fuzzy around the edges, even as he changes the camera settings. 

it’s like an all too familiar dream, like junhui’s seen this place a thousand times before.

he steps over a swelling tree root, head turned up as he takes a photograph of a thrush, it’s head bobbing side to side, as if inspecting junhui in the same he was looking at it. when he smiles, the bird flies away, and junhui catches the moment it’s wings spread beautifully, legs stretched as it lifts itself off the branch. 

as he trails deeper into the forest, he finds the trees growing denser, the slope of the mountain steeper. the path to the inn is no longer visible, long behind him, but junhui knows well enough that there are worse things than getting lost. the forest won’t hurt him.

junhui crouches in front of a fallen tree, the trunk already hollowing out, branches broken and scattered across the forest floor. the moss does not move but in front of his camera it takes a life of its own, almost breathing, ants crawling through the fuzz. where the bark breaks off, white mushrooms grow, long and thin. these are the poisonous kind, and junhui’s fingers itch to touch, though he knows better. as he crouches and comes closer, he notices, finally, the familiar smell of decay. 

his nostrils flare, the sharp scent filling his lungs all too suddenly, sending a shiver down his spine. there’s a cloying sweetness undercutting the stench, and junhui’s throat tightens. he peers inside the hollow end of the log and finds a thrush splayed out, maggots crawling between blackened feathers, ants coming out of its eye sockets in a trail. 

junhui takes a photo, adjusts the light settings on his camera so that he catches both the splinters in the shadows and the sickening white of the maggots crawling out. 

he’s pleased to finally have found something worth photographing. 

his mind goes back to jisoo: the curve of his adam’s apple; his thin fingers; his body, always cold. junhui has seen the decay of a man before, could pick out the scent from a hundred meters away. but the idea of jisoo - jisoo and that man he was so keen to speak to - the idea of them, skulls cracked and rotting, enters junhui’s mind so suddenly he falls backwards, gasping for breath. 

junhui would not consider himself a fan of the morbid. beneath his palm, he can feel a beetle crawling its way out of the dirt, and he belatedly moves, staring at the red bite in the middle of his hand. it stings, but the pain is distant, like he’s remembering something that happened years ago instead of seconds before. everything about this place feels like both a fantasy and a memory. junhui cannot shake the image of jisoo’s corpse out of his head.

his heart is racing, beating viciously against his ribcage, the sound echoing throughout his entire body, reverberating all the way down to his toes. he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath of the forest air, decay and all, and once he can hear the sounds of the birds again, calm, he stands up, finally. 

it’s hard to ignore that he feels warm all over, shivering. he finds himself missing the rain from that morning, the sight of jisoo beside him under the umbrella. 

it feels like the ground is shifting beneath his feet, but junhui isn’t sure he can blame the twisting mountainside for all of it. 

the mushrooms look dreamlike in the dew, and so he steadies his hands and takes another picture. he might as well make the most of the moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys i havent given up on this story i even wrote the chapter a while ago i just. forgot to post. i literally just forgot that this thing doesnt update by itself. yeah

“junhwi!”

the air is sticky with humidity, pressing his shirt to his skin, back slick with sweat. he’d taken off his jacket a while ago and pushed his sleeves up sloppily. when he turns to see jisoo tiptoeing over tree roots, trench coat folded gingerly over his arm, junhui stills, doesn’t bother with his sleeves when they slide down. 

jisoo is rather thin - junhui had noticed before, but watching him roll up the hem of his trousers to they don’t brush the dirt, revealing his slender ankles, feels like a punch to the gut. 

junhui‘s mouth feels dry and he swallows, before stepping forward towards the stone path, feet easily finding their footing over the tree roots. he’d passed by here once on his way higher up the mountainside, and by now the area seems familiar already. junhui has never been good with directions but all of it feels natural to him now. seeing jisoo standing at the foot of the clearing, crouching and tiny, is disorienting. the sharp scent of decay stings his nostrils - the memory of it strong enough that it nearly needs him reeling. something heavy settles at the back of his chest - he should not associate the sight of jisoo with such an ugly thing. 

“jisoo! what are you doing here?”

jisoo’s smile is sweeter every time. junhui’s memories feel like a lie. “i said i’d join you, didn’t i? i’m sorry i took so long.” 

junhui shakes his head. “it hasn’t been long at all. don’t worry about it.”

“junhwi,” jisoo starts, brows furrowing. already junhui feels like he’s done something wrong. “its nearly four o’clock. you’ve  been out here for hours.”

it feels like it’s been minutes. 

when junhui turns his head up, he can see the sun has moved in the sky, no longer high overhead. the shade of the trees falls over jisoo’s face, but a ray of light sits over his hair, turning it a pretty chestnut color.

“i must have lost track of time,” he says with a shrug. by now he should be hungry enough to stop for lunch, but junhui feels fine. there’s a current running under his skin, and if he eats now he’ll be ill.

“were you taking photographs this whole time?”

jisoo steps forward, but junhui sees the root in front of his foot, knows that jisoo will trip before it happens. 

when jisoo stumbles, junhui shoots forward to catch him by his arm. the crown of jisoo’s head bumps junhui’s jaw,  _ ouch _ , and jisoo gasps, meeting his eyes for a split second before pulling away, arms close to his chest, as if he’s been burnt. the bite on junhui’s hand stings, but he’s only noticed it now again after hours. jisoo looks away, recoiling, disgusted. junhui feels sick to his stomach, clenching his fist and dropping his hand to his side.

“sorry about that,” jisoo glances down at his hand before he turns his head up, giving junhui a sheepish smile. it looks like plastic crinkling, all wobbly around the edges.

“it’s alright. just remember to be careful where you step. if you get hurt i’ll have to carry you back.”

jisoo laughs at that and some of the tension bleeds from junhui’s shoulders. he’d forgotten what it meant to crave a sound. jisoo talks but junhui ears miss the touch of a human voice. he’d almost forgotten what it had meant to without it.

“i don’t think i’d mind that,” jisoo taps junhui’s bicep and all the breath leaves junhui’s lungs in a second, “you seem strong.”

“please don’t make me prove it.” jisoo laughs at the meekness in junhui’s voice. he feels his own cheeks warm.

jisoo draws close, smiling softly as he enters junhui’s space. junhui feels like he needs to measure every breath, like too much and he’ll scare him away. when jisoo rests the tips of his fingers on junhui’s thumb, it feels like his heart is going to jump out of his chest.

“can i see the pictures you took?”

junhui’s hands tilt the camera towards jisoo, a broad grin ready to match the beaming smile jisoo gives him. junhui isn’t a terribly shy person, but the boldness that jisoo draws out of him is confusing. he feels like a version of himself that he hasn’t been in a long, long time. 

jisoo is smaller than him, almost frail in comparison, but junhui feels like he’s being surrounded by just the touch of jisoo’s shoulder against his.

“these are beautiful.”

the temptation to say something cheesy is almost devastating. “thank you, i-”

jisoo comes across the photos junhui had taken of the thrush, with the light falling over its mottled corpse, and though he hesitates, face oddly blank, he keeps scrolling through. junhui holds his breath. “you’re really good.”

exhaling does not help to relieve any of the tension in his chest.

the sun won’t be setting for a couple more hours, but already it feels like the air is shifted. like the breeze is rolling down the mountainside towards the peach colored sky and junhui is enamored with the light shining between the leaves, landing on jisoo’s face. he seems golden, almost. glowing. he smiles, but junhui can see his shoulders draw in when he raises up the camera for a photo. jisoo is shy in the ways junhui does not expect him to be.

when jisoo turns his head, the light hits his eye and he raises his hand above his face to block it. junhui takes a picture of that too, taken completely by the shape of his mouth when his lips part, by the shadow beneath his elegant fingers. 

“can i see?”

“nope,” jisoo flounders at the grin junhui gives him. “this is for my eyes only.”

jisoo stares at him, dumbfounded, before he turns away, huffing and mumbling to himself as he starts down a dirt path into the forest. junhui thinks for a moment that he’s upset him, but he catches sight of the flush rising up jisoo’s neck and cheeks and junhui can’t help but grin, traipsing after him.

“jisoo,” he coos, quickening his pace so he can get ahead, walk backwards in front of jisoo, “can i show you something else?”

jisoo slows, hands tight around his coat, but his mouth forms a smile. junhui is glad that jisoo answers with a nod - he’s not sure he’d hear the answer over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

junhui takes his hand, tugging slowly - jisoo’s hand is cold in his, the kind of cold that burns, but junhui doesn’t let go. “there’s a place to sit a little bit ahead. it’s very pretty.”

junhui helps jisoo over the steps and leads him to a seat even if he doesn’t need to. “what do you call this in korean?”

jisoo sits, coat folded neatly over his lap. he looks so small and dainty, so prim. junhui would have fainted at the sight of him ten years ago: a perfect prince, while junhui feels like a fool around him. 

“a gazebo.” jisoo’s voice is so lovely. junhui finds himself leaning closer just to touch the sound.

“a gazebo.” he breathes. jisoo nods and something dark blooms in junhui’s chest.

from here they can see down the mountainside clearly, the trees just in front cleared away. to their west sits the town, looking tiny surrounded by the forest, despite how close it is. behind it the sun creeps slowly closer to the horizon, orange reaching over to kiss their skin.

a spider crawls down its web, hanging precariously over jisoo’s head.

with his back turned the way it is, he can’t see it. junhui can though. 

“don’t move.”

jisoo stiffens immediately, before relaxing again, letting his shoulders drop. junhui wishes he could see the expression on his face. instead he raises his camera and takes a picture of the spider rolling on its thread, lower and lower till it lands on jisoo’s ear.

jisoo gasps; a tiny sound that shoots straight to junhui’s gut. 

junhui doesn’t think it’s poisonous but once he’s taken his photographs he moves forward to let the spider come onto his fingers. jisoo lets out a breath and turns to look at the insect on junhui’s hand, no bigger than a fingernail. 

“it’s kind of cute, right?”

jisoo pouts, nose scrunching just a bit. junhui wants to kiss him. “i suppose it is. i think maybe i’d like it better if it wasn’t on me.”

junhui remembers the thrush, its body covered with insects, chewing at its mottled flesh. he remembers how clear the image of jisoo had been, how vividly junhui had thought of him rotting, how suddenly and easily such a disturbed thought had formed in his brain.

he holds the spider in his palm and crushes it under his thumb.

“why did you do that?”

jisoo looks up at him, curious, eyes dark, drawing out something from junhui that he’s not sure he still had in himself. junhui falters, finds his breath short in his lungs. he flicks the smashed spider’s corpse aside, dusting off his hands. 

“you didn’t like that it touched you, right? so i took care of it.”

if his tone lacks the boldness of his words, jisoo doesn’t say anything.

junhui fidgets, before huffing and taking a seat besides jisoo. immediately, he jumps up, brushing water off the back of his trousers. “its wet! how are you sitting on this?”

jisoo gives him a sheepish look. “you asked me to sit so i thought you wanted to take another picture.”

“oh, jisoo, you- you should have said something. come on, get up, get up.” he takes jisoo’s hand and pulls him up, ignoring how jisoo laughs as junhui’s frets over him.  
“i’m sorry, i really am. i wouldn’t have asked if i’d known.”

“junhwi, it’s alright, really. i’ll just change when we get back to the inn. i was going to anyway.”

junhui’s chest still feels tight with embarrassment, but he tilts his head, bumping jisoo’s shoulder. “yeah? you’re going to see that man?”

_ that man. _

jisoo’s eyes widen, and junhui shrugs. “don’t worry. i’m open-minded,” jisoo relaxes, and junhui grins, “though i didn’t think you were the type to like older men.”

“why i-“ jisoo’s cheeks color a bright red, before he huffs and steps forward, making a point to get close and look up at junhui. “i like tall men. that’s not unusual.”

he turns away before junhui can even reply. he feels dizzy, and he chooses not to say anything anyway. 

he wishes jisoo were as easy to him as that statement implied. junhui’s mind is muddled beyond belief.

jisoo’s cologne is really nice, but when they walk past the log junhui had stopped at earlier, he still catches the scent of rot. jisoo stops too, looking at the log, then to junhui, before continuing on without a word, face blank. 

death is such a sharp scent. he’s not surprised that jisoo recognizes it.

junhui isn’t all too surprised that jisoo politely rejects his offer to eat dinner together. even if jisoo did not have plans otherwise, they’d spent a good chunk of the day together already. junhui doesn’t mind his own company, but jisoo looks almost wistful as he bids him goodbye at the inn.

junhui wouldn’t mind spending all the day with jisoo - he wouldn’t mind spending all night with him either, but junhui is stopped before he can bite off more than he can chew.

it’s for the better.

the sun sets late here, junhui finds. by the time the top of it finally sinks below the line of the horizon, he’s feeling drowsy even as he sips his tea. it’s nice, unexpectedly sweet though he hasn’t added any sugar. he’d bought it earlier that day when he’d been at the market with jisoo - a name that couldn’t be translated very well, but it’s  _ local _ , apparently, and it’s good, so junhui thinks that maybe he’ll buy another packet before they leave.

junhui shivers at the thought. several hours, trapped in a car with jisoo, up the highway to seoul. it’s an idea that both scares and excites him.

there’s not much for him to pack, and so junhui sits at the edge of his bed, body exhausted but mind working too fast. he doesn’t usually have trouble falling asleep. 

jisoo’s room is just across from his, and when junhui presses his ear to the door, he hears only a thud, and then silence. there’s shuffling about in the room, but junhui can’t figure out what’s going on. he’s thankful, for his and jisoo’s sake, that there’s aren’t any cameras in the hall. he must look a fool; kneeling on the ground and pressing his ear to the keyhole.

junhui doesn’t feel much smarter than he looks right now. his thoughts are singular, his movements automatic. he revolves around a fixation, and he cannot see the end of this one.

when he stands and knocks, it only takes a moment before the door opens. he doesn’t hear jisoo’s footsteps coming even though he strains to.

jisoo’s eyes are dark, and though he doesn’t smile, he doesn’t look displeased to see junhui. still, he doesn’t open the door fully, blocking most of the view inside with his body. the room is too dark behind him for junhui to make out anything by looking over his head.

he can see the splash of red over jisoo’s collar and shirt, and jisoo doesn’t seem to mind that junhui’s eyes go there immediately. he even smiles when junhui’s wets his lips.

the curve of jisoo’s mouth is directly detrimental to junhui’s health. his legs feel like they’re going to fall apart. 

his voice sounds hoarse to his own ears. “i just wanted to ask what time we’re leaving tomorrow.”

jisoo hums, and junhui wants to inch closer, to get drunk and press his ear to jisoo’s chest to hear it all. jisoo’s fingers trail down the door frame, slender and pretty. junhui can see the red under his nails. “we can leave after breakfast if you’d like.”

“is it alright if we stop by the market first?”

“of course. wherever you like.”

junhui wants to go into jisoo’s room, but jisoo must already be able to tell from the desperation on his face, so junhui says nothing on that.

“alright. good night jisoo,” his voice drops to a whisper, but jisoo doesn’t lean into to listen the way junhui always finds himself doing. he can see the way jisoo clings to the door, the restraint pulling his body taut. junhui wonders how much more he’d have to press to see him snap.

“good night junhwi.”

jisoo doesn’t close his door till junhui is already inside his room, but junhui can feel jisoo’s eyes on him long after they’ve parted, two holes burning into his back. 

junhui lies in his bed, wide awake, heart racing. he knows the man was in that room with jisoo, and jisoo did not mind that junhui knew. 

his gut feels tight, and shame burns hot under his skin when junhui reaches down under his shorts, biting into his pillow. 

he imagines the blood on jisoo’s shirt is his own. that jisoo sinks his teeth into junhui’s throat. that when junhui brings back his sweetest memories, it’s jisoo in them, crawling out of the dark, tearing at junhui’s legs, begging him for a taste, just a taste.

junhui cannot tell anymore where his memories start and his imagination ends.

junhui sleeps with the curtains open. he knows what it means to be submerged in darkness, to miss the moon, but it provides him little solace tonight. for once, he finds himself tending to the parts he had long buried.

jisoo has nothing to do with these memories.

when junhui dreams, he finds himself in the cave again, staring at the river flowing into the dark. something sits under the water, watching him. it never comes up for air. junhui sits and watches it back, and doesn’t go down to meet it. 

their paths will cross eventually.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so sad i wrote this chapter in march i forgot to upload it and wondered why no one was commenting anymore

for the first time in years, junhui wakes up to an alarm blaring from his phone. he’s accustomed to waking up long before he needs to, and the alarm is a second measure he’d never thought he’d actually use, especially not when he’s on vacation. the sky is still dark when he gets up, limbs aching as he stumbles out of bed. he hasn’t slept enough. the carpet feels rough under his feet, but he can’t find his slippers - they’re not by his bed, where he thought he’d placed them. 

it’s freezing outside.

the inn isn’t even that far up the mountain but junhui is shivering, teeth clanking together as he trudges along the path, using the light on his phone as a guide. all the familiarity from yesterday is gone - his brain has been replaced with cotton balls and junhui can’t remember the last time he’d felt so out of touch with anything. his ankles twist over tree roots and he nearly trips more than once, but he makes it to the gazebo in one piece. 

the stars don’t shine through the clouds, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to rain soon. 

junhui’s seen a lot of sunrises in his life, but the first fingers of dawn crawling up the horizon feel more like a stranglehold than anything awe inspiring. even the sun feels shy, like it’s scared to show its face through the cloud cover. junhui looks down at it, eyes sweeping over the mountain side, the forest and farmland stretching out, the distant smudge of daegu to the south.

it makes for an interesting photograph. junhui isn’t sure he can call it beautiful.

he doesn’t stay outside. it might be august but the dew settling over his skin is a startling cold and the morning fog has yet to disappear. 

junhui feels wide awake today, but the world seems asleep around him. even soomin is snoozing behind the reception desk, barely offering junhui a hum in greeting when he returns. there’s a single window at the end of the hall facing north, and what little hazy light trickles through it seems to blur the sharp fluorescent bulbs above his head. he can taste the dust in the air. junhui’s never felt such an intense urge to clean. 

he’s been travelling light for weeks, but as he zips up his backpack, he can’t help but feel that he’s forgetting something. 

jisoo’s already awake when junhui knocks at his door, fixing the buttons of sleeve. junhui nearly chokes on the  _ good morning _ in his throat, transfixed on the movements of jisoo’s hand. it’s the same shirt as yesterday - white and plain but junhui can tell that it’s the same. there’s no stain on his collar, but junhui can see flashes of it behind his eyelids, sharp and red. Even jisoo’s smile seems hazy. junhui wonders if he’s getting enough sleep. 

jisoo’s room is empty, bags packed, the bed made. 

he doesn’t link his arm with junhui’s on their way to the market, but it’s alright. he laughs when junhui tries to walk on the edge of the pavement, carefully placing one foot in front of the other faster and faster till he eventually stumbles. 

jisoo catches him by his hand, and junhui wishes he could hold on just a little longer. jisoo lets go, voice light with amusement. “and how old are you again, junhwi?”    
“twenty-six,” junhui walks backwards in front of jisoo, leaning over to make himself seem small, grinning as he looks up at him, “same as you.”

jisoo grins back, easy as anything. “really? are you sure you’re not just six?” junhui wishes he could take a photograph of the way jisoo sounds, capture the fleeting playfulness before it’s smoothed over by the stifled politeness of a bitten grin. junhui sticks his tongue out, turning on his feet to walk beside jisoo again. 

the market is empty, shops cleared away from the dirt road outside town, leaving only the tamped down earth and a sharp breeze that turns jisoo’s ears a starling red. a few houses sit along the sloping mountainside, gardens sprawling out unfenced and unkempt. junhui thinks for a moment that they must be empty, but he spots the start of a clothes line around the side of the house closest to him, sheets swaying against the wind. he thinks he sees someone in the window, but only the curtain moves, like it had just been disturbed.  

the sky is considerably grayer by the time they finally sit down in jisoo’s car. the tip of junhui’s nose feels cold, and he blows against his hands to warm his face, peering outside. it’s definitely going to rain soon. 

junhui’s camera sits heavy on his lap, the joints of his fingers aching as they curl around it. he still needs to go through all the photographs he’s taken, but they’ll be in seoul by evening and he figures he’d rather enjoy the last hours he has with jisoo now. 

jisoo’s hands are pretty. junhui watches them turn over the knobs for the air-conditioning and all too late realizes that he’s going to be freezing cold before they even reach the highway. jisoo just laughs at the pout on junhui’s face and turns on the heater. “you really are like a child, you know that?” 

junhui just smiles as he adjusts his seatbelt. no matter how he much he tugs it feels like it’s cutting into his throat. “maybe you just talk like an old man, did you consider that?”

“hey! what’s that supposed to mean?" 

“you’re always so formal! even i know how to use  _ banmal _ -”

“i do too!” jisoo laughs, softening the exasperation in his voice. junhui wonders if he’s starting to annoy him, but the curiosity to see what jisoo is like angry wins out. “would you like to speak informally with me? i don’t mind.” 

“okay - but do i have to call you  _ hyung _ ? we’re so close in age, it’s weird isn’t it?”

“not  _ ge _ ?” they both laugh. junhui sees the first raindrops hitting the window, and jisoo turns on the windshield wiper. “but no, it’s fine you don’t need to. i’m not really used to being called hyung anyway.” 

“you don’t have younger friends?”

“no i do - we just speak in english. most of my friends are foreigners like me.”

a crack of lightning flashes, illuminating the entire road and the drop beyond the railing - a hundred meter drop, softened only by a dense layer of forest sitting in on the sloping mountainside. 

“i didn’t know you were a foreigner.”

“i grew up in america. i moved to seoul just last year.”

that’s not all that recent.

somewhere in between junhui taking up photography and jisoo moving to korea, they became the same person. the houses they pass sit by the roadside like fog crawling over the corners of junhui’s thoughts. he feels like he’s known jisoo for years, when it’s been two days? three days? it feels like the summer never ends here. the days blend together. 

junhui craves an intimacy that he imagines already exists. 

jisoo is easy to like in the way most people try to be. junhui knows he thinks about everything he says before he says it - carefully too - but he doesn’t leave junhui with the impression of someone over concerned with others’ impressions of him. just the impression he has of himself. 

jisoo seems like he’d make a good friend. 

the forests in this country aren’t that big, but the roads here stretch for centuries. it’s the scenic route too - as scenic as it can be when it’s raining like this. junhui could lose a hand in this weather. behind the window, the sound of the rain is muffled but he can feel it, a thousand drum beats against the car. it feels like his brain is extending beyond his skull - like the storm clouds sit behind his eyes and when he blinks he sees not the darkness of his eyelids but the white flash of lightning clearing away the impurities of reality.  

jisoo speaks not to him but into him, the gentle sound of his voice blanketing everything else, a whisper that slides right into his arteries. 

junhui wonders if it floods here. 

he takes a picture of jisoo, catches the quirk of his mouth just before a laugh, the way he hides his embarrassment with humor. ‘ _ you’d get better views looking out the window _ .’

junhui doesn’t bother to check how the photograph turns out. 

within an hour the storm dies down to a quiet murmur, but the clouds don’t dissipate. junhui’s hands are cold, fingers curling around his camera like it’ll give him some warmth. jisoo laughs, eyes bright as he messes up the pronunciation of his name once again. junhui doesn’t mind so much - he’s fine with just _jun_ , he really is, but it’s cute to see jisoo trying to hard. his face lights up when he forgets to control it.  

it’s a rush.

junhui’s nose pricks, twitching. they must be passing a landfill - the sour air from outside seems to infiltrate the car, but even as they drive along, it doesn’t disappear. it’s not too strong, and he could get used to it if he wanted, but the sharpness of it cuts through everything. 

jisoo’s face is schooled back into an unreadable softness and the tinny voice of the google maps lady tells them to take the next exit to Seoul. 

junhui takes a picture of the sign as they drive past it. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've heard of the unreliable narrator, so now get ready for the next best thing: the unreliable author.

junhui moves the brochure from his eyes, squinting as he looks up. jisoo’s head is blocking out the sun, and in the shadow junhui can only see the whites of his eyes. his knife reflects the light directly into junhui’s face and he frowns, pouting as he plucks the apple slice off the end. jisoo cuts another one diligently. 

the rest stop is cozy but there’s nowhere to stay the night here. still, junhui’s happy for a decent meal. 

the weather’s cool, a breeze ruffling jisoo’s hair. the sun is too bright but the mountain air is fresh, free of the humidity that’s been following them for the last three days. junhui’s jacket is pillowed behind his head, cushioning the harsh edge of the picnic table. his legs are sprawled out in front of him and he can feel jisoo staring, but the crisp sound of the apple under his knife doesn’t pause. 

“have you been to gangwon before?” 

junhui holds his hand out, eyes closed to the warm sunlight. it colors the inside of his eyelids orange, bright yellow spots that he follows across the endless black curtain over his vision. jisoo places another apple slice in his hand, and junhui smiles. “i was in sokcho for a couple of days but the rain was just awful - could barely leave my room.”

the question reminds junhui of the fact that he’s only got two more weeks of cash on him. ideally, he’ll be gone before then. 

he turns his head, twisting the apple slice in his hand before taking a bite. “i wanted to take pictures of the sea. ended up in jeju.” 

jisoo hums. “there’s a couple of national parks here too. very picturesque,” he says with a wry smile, picking the last slice off the apple core. junhui wishes he could take a photo of jisoo’s canines sinking through the slice, lips pink and pulled apart like a snarl. “if you want, we can go to taegisan - my grandmother’s village is near there.”

“and from there?”

jisoo hums, considers for a minute. junhui finds it hard to believe that he doesn’t already have a plan, and wonders why jisoo plays at clueless. he’s not very good at it. “gangneung, maybe.”

junhui wonders how an office worker like jisoo has a holiday this long. he can’t say he’s jealous.

“have you ever visited your grandmother?”

“nope - she died when i was little. i’ve been there before though, with my mom. but i’m not sure anyone’s going to recognize me.”

junhui hums, considers for a moment. he’s not sure it’s going to be anything new - he’s got plenty of pictures of mountains and he’s beginning to get bored of them. jisoo sits primply on the bench beside him, carefully wiping the blade of his knife with a tissue, trimmed nails carefully cleaning the serrated edge. he wraps the apple core in the tissue, ready to be thrown away. he’s just waiting on junhui.

“yeah, let’s go.”

he stands up, fumbling with his jacket. he’s dressed more practically - sheddable layers and sturdy boots. jisoo looks like a doll wherever he goes, even in jeans and a t-shirt, the most casual junhui has seen him thus far. it doesn’t make him look younger - jisoo’s face does that already - but it does excite junhui in a strange way, like they were children and jisoo had changed out of his uniform, ready to play. 

junhui takes a picture of jisoo sitting on the bench before they leave. jisoo draws one leg up, sneaker balanced on the edge, arms around his knee. his smile is soft, a mimicry of sweetness, and his eyes look with junhui’s through the lens, gaze so intense the first picture turns out shaky. the second is perfect, sunlight hitting jisoo’s cheekbone at the most painful angle. junhui is weak at the knees and glad for when they’re sitting back down in the car, even when the smell hits him like a wave, too much all at once. 

they’re back on the highway in seconds, the sun shining bright behind them. the smell is only going to get stronger, acrid, burning through junhui like a flame to a fuse. 

“chips?” he tears open a packet and offers it to jisoo, who gives him a puzzled look and a laugh.

“we just ate.”

“so?” junhui plucks out a piece - a big one - and offers it jisoo, who makes a strangled noise, hands gripping the steering wheel tighter but opens his mouth obediently. his whole body is tensed up, and junhui grins as jisoo takes the chip between his teeth, adamantly avoiding touching his lip to junhui’s finger.    
  
  


sometime between stopping the car to take pictures of the sun between the mountains and junhui pretending to not know what podcasts are just to hear jisoo try and explain in the most basic korean possible, he falls asleep. 

 

the shrill sound of a kite startles him awake, jolting upright so suddenly he hits his knee on the dashboard. the whinnying call ends abruptly and he hears it take off from the tree branch before he can even get out of the car, fumbling with his camera. he’s never been that into animal photography, but he knows an opportunity when he sees one. regardless, the second he steps out he stumbles into a too dark world, and it takes him a few moments to adjust. 

jisoo is gone - the car parked on the side of the road, the doors unlocked. 

junhui follows the scent.

he’s never been here before, not these woods, nor these mountains. yet, there’s an eerie familiarity to it, and junhui finds himself reaching out in the dark, stepping into the shadows beneath the pine trees. everything grows forty feet tall, so densely packed that junhui can no longer see the moon above him. it is mere seconds from when his hand leaves the trunk of one tree till he finds the next.

the sounds of the forest - crickets chirping, twigs breaking under foot, the wind blowing between the leaves - all fade into the shadows. the smell grows sharper, stronger, and if junhui was any younger he’d be throwing up, head dizzy with it. but he knows this place.

the sound of water trickling comes from his right, rising in volume where it had been silent before. the shadows between the branches loom dark over him, till junhui can hardly see in front of him anymore. the distance between the tree trunks grows larger, and when junhui realizes there’s nothing in front of him, he drops his hand to his side. the air tastes cleaner, colder, and the humidity sticks to his skin in a way that sends shivers down his spine. a number of thoughts go through his head - does he have enough water? how long before the soles of his shoes wear out? how much deeper does he have to go before he finds his way back up?

he cuts his feet on the sharp stone beneath him, but junhui merely winces and carries on. pain is imaginary. he won’t bleed anymore than he has to if he’s careful. 

when his feet touch the edge of the water, he turns left, following the shore, listening to the water lap against the stone floor of the cave. 

it is pitch black, but junhui’s ears twitch with every sound. he knows what is in front of him, even with his eyes closed. the figure is crouched down, barefoot and bruised, bones protruding through the skin. the blood on their fingers is slippery, hands struggling pathetically to hold on to the piece of rotting meat in their palm. the corpse is cold, skin sinking into the crevices between the bones. the feeling, that hunger that controls every thread in your body, is all too familiar. 

junhui stops where he stands, mouth curling into a frown. did he really look this pathetic? he’d thought he’d worn hunger better. he had been a handsome teenager, he knows this. 

the figure slips, ankle hitting the stone floor hard as he nearly collapses on top of the corpse. they knock it askew, and junhui sucks in a breath as its face turns to him. 

even in death, jisoo is beautiful. his eyes don’t have the light they used to, replaced instead with a cloudy white, the beginnings of rot. 

the figure whimpers, nursing the new bruise on its knees, but they barely hesitate before continuing their meal. junhui has never forgotten what that hunger felt like. the pure  _ pain _ \- the ache of it never went away, never fully. he feels it gnawing at him, even now, so strong the hunger that he can’t help but step closer, reaching out. he wonders how warm the blood will feel in his hands. anything is better than the cold. he feels like he’s turning blue. 

he slips, ankle snapping as he comes crashing down, forehead splitting open on the stone floor. 

the shrill sound of a kite startles him awake, jolting upright so suddenly he hits his knee on the dashboard. the whinnying call ends abruptly and he hears it take off from the tree branch before he can even find his camera. he turns, hand ready to unlock the door, but he comes face to face with jisoo, hand raised to tap the window, smirking as he watches junhui scramble.

ah.

jisoo steps back, his giggle staccato high as junhui steps out of the car, huffing as he turns on his camera, ignoring the warmth spreading across his chest. they’ve stopped at a bend along the mountainside. altitude wise they can’t possibly be that high but the air feels crisp up here, the kind of fresh that can’t be imitated. 

“why’d we stop here?” before jisoo can answer, junhui waggles his brows, leans in, “is there where you dump my body?”

“j-junhwi what the  _ fuck _ ,” jisoo lets out a nervous laugh. he looks completely put off, but he doesn’t move away. “i just wanted to show you something. c’mon.”

junhui follows him obediently into the forest, taking a couple of pictures as they walk. the trees grow farther and farther apart till they no longer need the light of their phones to walk, instead basking in the moonlight shining between the branches. jisoo looks like he’s made of silver, arms bare, hair raised in the night air. everything is warm, hazy, like there’s some sweetness in the air. junhui can smell tree sap, leaking between the cracks in bark. 

they stop at a tiny cliff where the soil has eroded away. there’s a drop of thirty, forty feet before the forest starts again, but it’s enough for junhui to see over the canopy and marvel at how the trees cover the mountain side, smoothing over the slopes in a sea of green.

he’s breathless.

“jisoo, how did you find this place?” 

he makes a funny face, and junhui raises his hands quick enough to take a picture of it. 

“right so- so when my mom used to take me this way, she’d stop at this little pond - it was just a couple minutes walk from the road. and it’s really pretty - like  _ really _ pretty, it’s almost a perfect circle so when the angle is right the moon covers the whole thing and it just looks like a big white circle. and there’s these pink flowers that grow around it that are like, the size of my pinky nail,” jisoo holds his pinky finger to gesture, and junhui wants to kiss the tip of it, “i thought it would be a nice view. but i don’t know where it is, i don’t… i don’t really think there’s a road marker for it. i found this though,” he gestures to the view.

junhui takes a picture of jisoo, mouth open around a word, arm outstretched over the forest. 

it’s a perfect night. 

“you could have gotten lost you know. what would i have done if i woke up and you weren’t back?” 

jisoo laughs, loud and sweet, before he sits down, legs swinging over the edge of the drop. the sound doesn’t echo anywhere except junhui’s mind. “you would have called me.”

junhui puckers, before he sits down too. the view isn’t as good here, the top of trees now level with their knees. junhui turns, taking another picture of jisoo leaning back, palms digging into the grass, face turned away bashfully. junhui has done this enough that jisoo no longer protests, but that sense of embarrassment has stuck around. he’s glowing in this light, almost.

“yeah. but i would have been sad if you got lost. do you want me to be sad? what kind of tour guide wants me to be sad?”

“the kind that’s not getting paid.”

junhui takes another picture, this time of the way jisoo’s fingers tear apart a blade of grass. it’s riveting. his hands are so ugly - long and thing, knuckles comically large and wrinkled, like he can’t stop cracking them, though junhui has yet to hear him do so. still, junhui can’t look away, eye unblinking behind his camera. 

junhui wonders if nature photography can ever compare to his imagination. he could make a killing off jisoo’s hands alone. 

“have you ever considered becoming a hand model?”

jisoo shrugs. “i’m pretty sure most people never consider that,” he raises his hand in front of him, inspecting it, “i don’t think my hands are that… sexy? this needs airbrushing.”

“airbrushing? are you the type that puts filters on all your instagram photos?”

jisoo grins, “i don’t post on instagram.”

junhui captures the moonlight reflecting off jisoo’s canines. his stomach drops. “you must be difficult to cyberstalk.”

“i’d hope so.”

the conversation trails off there, but something heavy weighs on junhui’s chest. he lies back, head cushioned against the grass, and he feels only marginally better till jisoo joins him, flopping back and shuffling closer, resting his head on junhui’s arm. 

junhui takes a picture of the stars, but it feels lazy. he turns on his side, ignoring the way his heart breaks at the unhappy noise jisoo lets out. jisoo’s cheek is framed by the grass, eyes dark when they’re turned away from the moon. even through the lens, junhui feels like he’s falling, an abyss he can not crawl out of. 

it’s too warm.

jisoo takes the camera out of his hands and puts it aside. junhui wishes he’d brought his camera bag, but the thought dies down to muffled static when jisoo sits up, head tilted as he looks down at junhui. 

he’s pretty sure there’s an ant crawling up his ankle. this isn’t romantic.

junhui sits up, nudging closer so that jisoo’s knees are touching his. he feels like he’s going to explode, the proximity making the buzzing in his head grow louder and louder. he can’t help but think how much prettier jisoo would be if his eyes were clouded white. 

jisoo turns, tucking his head against junhui’s shoulder and looking out over the forest again. junhui holds his breath till he feels lightheaded, and then he takes the shallowest breathes he can, so as not to disturb the peace. 

the moon rises over head, perfect till it reaches the middle of two peaks. junhui’s fingers itch, but jisoo has placed the camera just out of reach. he seems to know what junhui’s thinking, because he interlocks their hands, tracing his nail through the creases on junhui’s knuckle. his other hand falls over junhui’s knee, fingers smoothing over the inseam, teasing but never going higher. 

it takes a while for jisoo to move again, pulling away and stretching out, arms above his head, back curved like a cat’s. junhui stretches himself just to have something to do.

“let’s go. you think we can still find a place for the night?”

“absolutely not.”

jisoo laughs, helping junhui stand up. his wrists are so delicate - junhui wonders how he can carry any weight at all. 

they head back to the car in silence. 

junhui lies down in the back, spoilt and preening as he dips his pinkie into a pot of honey, lets the sweetness sink between his teeth. jisoo watches him through the rearview mirror, unblinking. it's all he can see, touch, taste. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! all feedback is appreciated.


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